week 14

Well, its week 14...almost 15 and we're chugging right along. thinking about christmas, thinking about not fitting into any of our pants! So we've bought some walmart jeans 2 sizes too big and with a bella band, they fit awesome. i'm loving wearing stretchy pants all the time. but i'm in a weird in between phase where I"m convinced I don't look pregnant, but just chunky. OH well. its time to bust out the maternity clothes and just stuff my shirt or something.

I finally was curious and measured my waist to see what was really going on. I'm gained 2 inches in my waist, and in my chest. wow! my girls better slow down in growth, they are already a bit overwhelming.

I've got a sudden hobby of reading all about childbirth. I've got a sudden desire to find out all my options and I keep leaning towards the most natural ones, and of course, people have already tried talking me out of that. I know I have options to not have an epidural or to have a home birth, and options always tend to paralyze me. like when i had my BA in liberal arts and could do "ANYTHING" i wanted....i froze. too many options. someone told me they think my fear of c-section is unnatural and i should talk to someone. another friend told me..."being pregnant for 40 weeks is your badge of courage...just take the epidural. what do you need to prove?"

and honestly, I don't have anything to prove. I don't worry about that. I worry about being free to walk around, move, cry, curl up, lie down, squat and get the baby out the way i want to. I've been in pain before and I know i haven't been in this kind of pain. I know that. But I have been in pain before, and I'm pretty tough. Frighteningly tough sometimes. But I have to deal with things my way. And I know I won't have much control and that's the part that's worrying me the most.

so i changed doctors because i wanted one who seemed more interested in helping me. the new practice is very close to my office and very mom-focused. everyone there was ecstatic about my pregnancy and so excited to help me and meet me. I think its the right next step. Next week I'll talk to the new doctor about my childbirth thoughts.

I wish Austin would let midwives practice in hospitals, because honestly that's what i want to do. I want a birthing center experience, but with doctors around to help get my baby and its GIANT head out of me if needed.

that's not too much to ask is it?

and we decided to peek at the gender in 3-4 weeks...stay tuned!